ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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