I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize