my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
