I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
