I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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