This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
