he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
