I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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