I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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