i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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