so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's like iHOP with fire
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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