dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
