There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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