he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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