Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
