He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
