Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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