Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
