my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
