another moral hangover. fuck.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
