Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
In America we eat man semen.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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