he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
