no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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