my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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