On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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