i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
