I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
