I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
