You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
