Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
