Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
