I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to sanitize my soul.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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