I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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