we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just invented taco cereal.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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