I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
