Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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