I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
