my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
