he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
