Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
