Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
