Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
