he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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