Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
