I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
