we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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