i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
