I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
