All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
