after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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