dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
