so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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