I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
