whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
