but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
40s are totally the cure
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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