I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
