At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All the doctor said was why
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
