Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
