It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
