Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
