all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
