Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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