i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
