I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
