Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
