worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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