I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
