His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
