I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
