I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
