This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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