you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize